~the emotional rollercoaster~

tried to call her twice on fri and left a sms. nothing was heard from her till sat where she unfortunately bumped into me and my fren tuanging at the bus blk lobby when we were having our LTB show and tell. I think she rather reluctantly walked over to make some small talk. Then she went up to see the carnival. She was having some gospel relay thingy with the CF-ers.

Had a bbq at a fren's place later that afternoon. She came later in the evening afer going to church. I felt that she didn't want to extend her conversation with me. Was rather cold towards me. I dunno. really dunno anymore.

Today, once again i really wanted to tell her. I tried calling her twice. at 3.15pm and at 5pm. well it's close to 9 and there ain no reply yet. i feel such burden on my chest and i can't think of anything else. If its meant to be beautiful, then why does it hurt me so?

I wanted to get it over with. i know the answer. i know where i'm heading. Spare me the anticipation. End my misery now. Bleeding away, i grow more weary of this emotional rollercoaster that she may or may not be unwittingly left me on.....

Thank goodness i've got my ciggs and alcohol to take the pain away later tonight.

*waiting to be in state of nonchalance