Wisdom comes with age. Maybe not.

i know i'll look back one day and know all this is so silly. But why do i still feel so much shit now? I know rationality has definitely taken a holiday, so let's just hope it comes back soon. Maybe i presume too much, maybe i think of the "what-ifs" too much or maybe i just hate "losing". I guess i'm too eager to please and put my heart right on the table.

The pressure of competition has made me do things that i wont normally do. or in that much of a hurry anyway. Fuck it. As a friend said, don't bother about the competition now cos if she likes him anyway then it wouldnt matter whether i was late or not, i wouldnt be a factor in her consideration anyway. I'm so glad to have friends to help me think rationally when i am simply unable to.

So much for bugging her with smses and not getting a reply when i attempt smalltalk. fug. ego crushed. haha. I'm gonna try to keep it real and be myself, no matter what happens. Afterall, I am the only constant factor in this equation. Lord, guide me as i face this struggle (which shouldn't have happened in the first place). Help me trust in You and be obedient to your will and plans.